my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
