so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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