Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
