Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
