I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
