guys are not supposed to queef...right?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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