you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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