I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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