I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
