I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
