I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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