They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
