i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I look better un-naked...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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