My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
