I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
