Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
