they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
