..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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