I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
