In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
