I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
