Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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