I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
