Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You were trust falling into bushes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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