you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize