An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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