if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
