so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
