Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
