I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
