I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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