If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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