How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think my vagina is haunted
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
