I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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