i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
