Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
