ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
