I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
