no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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