stop calling my apartment porn island.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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