Fuck appropriateness.
false alarm. still invincible.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
