I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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