Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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