I got chris browned last night
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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