Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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