Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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