As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
