Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
