Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize