i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize