It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
