Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
