Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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