she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
