Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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