I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
