Your tits are I can't wait for
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you had me at cake vodka
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
