Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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