Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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