I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
