Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize