Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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