Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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