You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
