Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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